.... the iConic chronicles

The guy suprised me with something.
He told me that he already told his mum about us and okaasan is really keen with our relationship.

Frankly,i never had imagine that this could be this fast.
I mean announcing to his mum this fast.
He told me that his mum is happy that he finally found someone who really love each other whom a foreigner.

I never thought that Okaasan could accept me despite of the different culture,race and religion.(FYI,Okaasan is a Catholic whilst the guy just dont believe in anything).

I was really touched by the fact that the guy just announcing it so fast to Okaasan.Seriously,i never ever thought about telling this whole relationship with mama.I think its way too early and so much uncertainties and obstacles that i need to go thru just to be with him.

Nevertheless,
Thanks baby for having faith in me.

It has been always tough for us.
We argue more than we laugh and we laugh and laugh.

But tonight,
We both had reached the pinnacle of all the mother arguments.
I realised i just had enough of all and decided to call this relationship off.
*tick tock tick tock*

After 10 minutes of silent,
We finally patched up,again.

He wont let me go neither do i.
It has been a tough time for both of us.

I dont care whether he promised me the moon and the sky above,
I dont care whether he promised me Roppongi Hills,
I dont care whether he promised me that it would be soon.
But
I do care if he never loves me anymore.

Now my whole heart and soul are with him.He's the only thing that matters to me right now and i just want to be with him till my last breathe.If only i could take the latest flight to be with him now.

"We can start it sooner..yappari I need to be with you.."

I have beautiful family circles that never stop giving me support and love.
I have a wondrous guy who never stop feeding me with his endless love and inspiration.
(oh baby,i love you so much!!)
A whole bunch of fantastic friends with undying humours and love..

Whole loads of satisfaction in life..

This is what i call contentment in life..

*sujud syukur..*

Yes,i know i've been not updating as frequent lately.Life is so occupied with commitments and more commitments in line.

Eid was so-so.Not everyone in the family were back for the celebration.My mind is like everywhere thru out my stay back in JB since i've took a pledge not tag my laptop and broadband back.Somehow i cant resists the temptations as i frequently trying my luck to tap on other's WIFI via my iPod.What more when one of my cousin constantly lugging his broadband so that i can leech on his connection.But man,i really feel miserable thru out the stay in JB since i failed to get connected to Skype,the current obsession and my love.

Im in love.Really i am right now :))

I just cant stop smilling alone and rush back home just to be on Skype everyday.
I met someone new which also another J-guy (i dont know why i just cant get off my mind from J-guys!).Its an accidental incident for us to fell in love with each other.Started of as friends that i would only use him to kill my boredom,and now we taking a step forward to get closer to each other.Frankly at the early stage of relationship,we argue more often than we laugh.Somehow those arguments make us wiser and it helps alot in understanding each other.There;s a moment when i too tired and sick of all the constant disagreement between us and i want to call it off.Finally,he took the courage to apologize and insisted that he wont hurt me anymore.Since then,its a history...

I really hope this time with him is not an oppoturnity for rebound from my previous relationship.I just want this time to be as fine as what we planned.

Please,God...

In another few more hours,i'll be back to my misery phase again.I really wish i could have given even more time as im so not in the mood to start work yet!!im dreading to this monday!!

its all about WORK WORK WORK..

Then i proceed with eat sleep eat sleep.

I'll laugh curse laugh curse laugh curse in between that.

so tell me do i really feel the Eid spirit this year?

In fact i would need to rush myself completing my work before im off for the festive season.

Eid Mubarak,everyone.

May you all will be enjoying your holidays (yeah as what all working people always come forward too)

No matter what,

I still have a soft spot for him.
Hati aku sungguh lemah,undeniable.

He really wants to work things out.I refused.I shut the door.

I dont know whether this is the best way but I dont think I want to give a second chance.
Bukan ke semua orang patut diberi peluang kedua dalam hidup?

I cant talk to him coz it makes me feel weak,what more when he's about to come to meet me up this end November to clear things out.

Im cringing...

Im very-very depress now.The fact that Facebook is going against me is not helping at all.I need my dose of sanity especially during this situation.Where art thou??How could you barely unable me to login at this important timing?

Seriously,although this is not my very first time feeling agitated in really wanting an account but then I REALLY WANT THIS FREAKING ACCOUNT!!!
God knows how proud i would be if i managed to get it.Friends of media were so shocked knowing that I managed to get on hold on this client (although its not a firm retainer yet).
Why?
Coz im struggling all this all by myself.Its me again trying to push myself to the limit (infact out of the limit bar) for this.

Once again,

I REALLY NEED TO HAVE THIS ACCOUNT!!
No,not for the increment or whats not.Its to prove that I can do it.I can also managed all this by myself.
Self - satisfaction purposes.

I dont blardy care about the stress that i would need to go thru after managed to secure it.Its all about I WANT IT SO MUCH!!

P/S: buka puasa kat office pun tak kisah janji dapat account ni,Anyways macam tak biasa buka puasa kat office pun!

Before the incident happened,im a whole happy person.Im contented with whatever im having now.All the laughters,smiles,screamings and whatsnot.I never mourned over the deceased of my previous relationship anymore with the ex.Indeed im a very jovial person that just believe that life goes on.

But not after YOU came back to my life,begging for me for my love again and forgiveness.
You make me in a whole dillemma.You make me even much more miserable thinking about the comeback of you.

You claimed that u've changed.You admitted your mistakes and want to start afresh.You said you love me,once again.
The problem is,
Shall i trust you once again with that?

I had enough..really had enough of the mess that we had previously.Im really sick and tired of struggling and feel unwanted most of the time for the sake of your selfishness.

Indeed i still love and miss you but that doesnt mean that i want you to be in my life once again.

God,you're all i need now.

Im fully recovered now except for the constant coughing which really-really irritates me all the time.

Im back at home now as i'll be having another extra holiday this monday due to the Merdeka celebration.Which mean would be shorter working period for me next week (hooyehhh!!).Projects keeps on coming in and seriously i can foresee my days would be for the next few months.It also equals to no life.sigh.

I would make a quick escapade in between my busy workloads.I just need a nice retreat before having my brain to run its engine again for more projects.
(my boss is currently taking her 1 MONTH holidays,man!you gotta be kidding me!)

Im thinking about Krabi or Hong Kong (well at least a lil time to rekindle my family ties back there or meet up with some frens back in HK) or Bangkok.Perhaps i might be settle with Kuching as i just wanna meet up with my sweetie,Joan and spend more time feasting ourselves.Jakarta wont be in the list since i will be heading there again early next year.Frequent trip to Jakarta is not a good idea as im afraid that i'll be losing interest in it.LOL!!

I know,i've been planning so many trips around the world but non actually happening since IM SO FUCKING TIED UP WITH MY WORK!Oh God,please help me!

But at least,
a nice warm feeling back home with the family now is the most comfort feeling that i would ever deserved :)

Im lost in between blaming either my low antibody or the weather which caused me fall sick again after 2 days of recovery.At first,i was suspected with H1N1 and case closed.After the following 2 days,im developing the same symptoms again but this time around a zest of cough make thing even worst.I cough badly as is the whole tekak nak tercabut!
And this is my first attempt after so long trying not to take any cough syrup as the remedy to cure my cough.Frankly,i really dont like the taste of cough syrup and i wonder how those penagih cough syrup be able to glup down bottle per bottle each day as though its mineral water!

Im still in the sad mood as finally after whole hardworking and concentration that i've been given to my baby project,
ITS FINALLY WRAP UP TODAY.
I know that i will definitely miss the whole team including my mobile truck drivers.
No more waking up at 5am,no more chasing my mobile truck if they still not in the compound by 6.30am,no more non stop calling to my emcee if he ever late from the time that he supposed to arrive,no more running in between the hall and mobile truck to check on my event setting,no more headaches.

My dear client from Hong Kong told me that i should be relieved after everything is over,but partly im not.I miss doing all this in fact i enjoying it coz i have the full freedom to do just anything for this project.This also help me to outshine my abilities and skills in many ways.

Im thinking about Vietnam now.Perhaps i'll going over next month to Vietnam.I just need some time to rejenuvate my brain before the next one come.

I've tried my very best to battle with this feeling.My very best.
I failed towards the end.i know that im a failure.I just want to cry over and over again so that it will be over but i just cant.

I just dont want it to come and i dont like the feeling.This would be the hardest time for me to face.

I may have almost everything in life that be able to satisfy me.I may have every achievement in life.But i failed miserably in dealing with this.Indeed im not perfect.


Out of frustration,i took an abrupt decision to chopped off my hair.I just want all the memories that i had before to vanish.I just want to be the new me.


Somehow i still cant get over it.I just dont want it to come.I just want build a new life.

God,
Please let me cry.Just once so that i could forget everything at all?

My heart is all shattered.
I lost words for all.

Please,stay away.

Browsing thru my previous relationship with the ex makes me feel afraid to fall in love again.
Undeniable,i still love him regardless of what happened ahead us.
I just miss him.All the laughters and arguments.

I just dont want to be hurt,again.
Im just so sick of picking up the shattered heart again.


Please,love dont come back again to me.
Please,make me happy with what i am right now.

Managed to dozed off early yesterday night as i've been having such long day for this past few days.It was fun as i didnt managed to stay awake till wee nite due to my insomnia.

Strange thing,

I had a very weird dream yesterday night.Its like God giving me an idea for a movie.More of inter racial love kinda movie.Perhaps i would be the next Arwah Yasmin Ahmad?Too bad,it didnt last till the end as the alarm woke me up.

Its really a touching plot.I hope that i could have the continuity of it tonight so that i can transform it into my writtings soon.

My oh my..

There's so many things happening thru out this whole long period of silent.
My mind just went haywire.hati pun berkecamuk.sigh

I was suspected with H1N1 and been under quarantined for like a week.Although i already recovered,still the flu is really-really irritating me all the time.Just cant stop sneezing and wats not.

Im currently typing this while waiting for my event to starts..Gosh,5 more days to go before i bid farewell to it.
I will certainly miss everyone in the team.

Still remember the mystery guy that make me feel missing him all the time.
He called me earlier.I was so happy untill i decided to drop another call from another party just because of him.
He apologized for now being able to entertain me this 2 weeks due to his hectic scheduele as he just set up his own company.

Out of the blue,he asked me whether i do have a boyfriend and of course i told him no and i do have the balls to asked him back and guess what he answered me?

He told me that he's currently seeing someone and it has been 2 months old.

So now do you know how i feel?
ITS TOTALLY CRUSHED.EVENTUALLY.THOROUGHLY

Imaging i was longing for him for so long.I just cant wait every seconds to see him online again and say Hi.
And now after all the apologize and all those drama,
he gave me a shock of my life.

Somehow,its just merely an infactuation and i dont think that anything more could actually go from here.

Its time for me to get some sleep.
I've been living in daydream for so long.
As a girl like me,there's no such thing as perfect dream guy will walk and be forever with me.

I hope time will heal..

I just got back from an outing with frens.its fun to have nice people surrounding you.
Somehow,something is making me feel miserable.

I think i've found latest obsession in my life.Something that brings me back to the years of teenagers where we go gu-gu-ga-ga about.Perhaps too much of stress and working with kids,it leads me to that.Or shall i say the solitude that im experiencing in life right now that also one of the contribution to this.

4th August 2009 would be yet another big day for me.My "big boss" (i never refer my client at my client as i respect them as my boss coz i received instructions and giving out consultation for them) from Hong Kong would be here visiting one of my many SCP together with ASTRO big boss and HP Country Manager.Seriously,i just cant wait to have them here to have a look on all my blood sweat and tears when managing this country project.Frankly im uberly proud of myself for making this whole project possible all by myself (not that word!).Imaging from all the budgetting,costing and till setting up the whole bunting banners for the event done meticulously by me.Well its way too "kua cheong" if i said i did all by myself.I would like to express my gratitude to my other working forces who make it possible especially dealing with 3 differents agencies under one project its not an easy tasks.I love all of you so much!

I dont know why,i have this kinda weird feeling towards this somebody.(hint:see im moving on rite?)I just cant wait to stick my arse infront of my laptop just to stare on Skype just to see whether he's online and chat.I know it sound crazy but regardless how many chat buddy that i have,still i cant get my eyes of him although we havent met or seen pics of him.

Yesterday i took as very wise decision to be an inspector gadget and finally managed to get a few pics of him and his colleague.All this while i have the imagination of him being the typical Japanese guy with fair skin tone,slit eyes and whats not.My discovery brought me to some shocking findings!He's totally out of my imagination but seriously i like his style and gila man wei!!! *drooling!*

Somehow,i would need to just forget about the whole giggling thing.I dont think anything would develop from here.Its just purely infactuation :)

Hope that we'll still friends regardless my infactuation whats not.
Feels like a teeny boopers that goes crazy over some hunk gorgeous and sexy celebrity.Funny..

May my wish come true!
Adieu!

Break ups is not always a bad thing afterall.The minute when you think that its all about crying,sighing and be in the comfort of sadness would eventually heal you,no you're absolutely wrong.Taking things positively and believe there's so much things out there for you to explore and learn could be the best mindset for you.Sadness wouldnt make you wiser but instead it will only make you feel as if you;re a whole loadshit of craps that disappoint the whole entire life.

I learned to wallow,suck it up and look high again.
Dissapoinment in life shall i say as is the complete package that i born with.Nevertheless, I pick up every single of it and recycle it in the form of positivism.

Somehow,life goes on regardless what's install for you.I cant afford to spend my endless time pondering whats ahead in my future especially when it hurt you the most.

Just do what you want to do.
Color your life rather than make it dull.

And time is ticking......