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Aug. 26th, 2010

perfection means everything

kekuatan

"Ya Allah..kau berikan kekuatan pada hambamu ini..sememangnya hambamu ini sangat daif disisimu. Kau tabahkan hati dan permudahkan perjalanan hidup hambamu ini.."

*silent tears*


Let the pain subside away from me..
perfection means everything

fraction of life..

Its has been a lonnnnng while since the last rant. More or less 5 months of absence from the blogsphere. So many things that happened thru out that period of time. Frustrations mixed emotions,laughters,tears I just try to brace thru every single day with all I can. I know being me is not easy. I must be tough to go thru all things in my life.
Within this period of time too love developed,faded and I lost the man of my life to one culprit named selfishness. We just can't seems to sort out all the pain and problems that arose between us. We want the best without wanting to let go of what it should. So we sacrificed something called Love that has been with us for quite a while. I know this would never be the wrong decision that we took on. We sacrificed coz we want to see the world out there and we sacrificed for our happiness. Don't ask why but I bet we're happy this way.
Losing love wasn't part of our plan especially when you're really sure that NO ONE ELSE in this world that you would like to spend with. He inspired and aspired me to be a better person in life and gained respect from others.

I'm cruising in a bad career knot now. Somehow I know my decision will take me to another level in life,Insyallah. I really hope soon my life will changed.

Frankly,I believe in what I firmly believe and I want.
I know there's always a ray of light for someone like me.
I'm eager towards it.

I'm blessed with God blessings
I'm blessed with my parents blessings
I'm blessed with my friends who always be there non-stop encouraging me to live life as it supposed to be.
I'm blessed to have someone that been listening to my whinning all this while.

I would never give up in life coz its such a beautiful piece of puzzle that can't wait to be deciphered.

Alhamdulillah,ya Rabbal' alamin..

Mar. 31st, 2010

perfection means everything

The Song the Heart

After a long rocky , beautiful 7 months journey of love,it all almost went down the drain.Indeed the reality verdicts is true.No one would survive LDR no matter how many figures of years been out placed in.When the more you think that you can struggle thru it,no never coz its always another party who will eventually gave up or just dont even bother to maintain such hassles relationship in life.

As many said before,it always the no 7 that jinx out of everything.But I always believe that the no 7 is my lucky no.

Things getting more complicated from time to time.We can obviously see the relationship is deteriorating apart like a melting iceberg.
We spend less time together lately,we talk less lately,we argue more than ever,I shed tears more than anything that's burdening me in life and now it seems like nothing else could add up in us,the parents issue.

"Lets talk about it later.." thats what he always,let me repeat once again,ALWAYS said each time when i brought up the OUR issue to him.

When later is always an infinite later,then when will be the LATER meets the end?

Call me tak sabar,call me just anything but seriously i had enough of it.I practically gave up as i dont want to just waste my time and effort and keep my options close entire just for a guy who thinks that the whole wide world is waiting for him.

I never said that im so strong enough to endure all this all by myself.I never admit that im gonna do it despite of what.Sometimes sacrifices just dont worth it to do.

Somehow..

Apart of me,i never want to let this whole thing apart.I really love this relationship like so much.He makes me in the state of depression,having sleepless night thinking about us and future.So,do you think that WE deserve another chance?

Im weak in facing this another part of life.Really weak...

Feb. 21st, 2010

perfection means everything

Tentang Cinta,Kerna Ku Terlalu Cinta.

Yes,i know.The title is damnfucking mushy and corny.Its actually inspired by some Malay novel that i stumbled upon yesterday.Still i think its catchy phrase.No wonder it sticks well into my mind until now.pfftt

Jakarta & Bandung trip was so-so ok.Didnt really spend there since im saving for my Japan trip.Hence not much shopping done except that i brought back goods in an additional 24' luggage back.So much of me not spending.It was on and off rain and supremely hot weather back in Indonesia.The worst part was Bandung actually flooded the day i arrived and Alhamdulillah we wasnt affected by it.Somehow the rainy season actually deter us from shopping.Most of the time we spend sitting at each Factory Outlet wait till the rain stop before we proceed to another F.O.

Exactly 7 days of non communicate between me & D.Thank God i managed to handle it.Somehow i believe we both need to have some space rather than keep on contacting each other all the time.

But...

Now i already have the pinch of the after effect.
Communication became lesser as i came back from Indonesia.
He's busy revising for his exams and im way too busy with my social life.
I really hope that the feeling that we used to have for each other wont deteriorate.
I dont know and i dont want to know.

Feb. 5th, 2010

perfection means everything

Mi Casa

Im planning to get my own bachelor pad soon.

I said : "YAY!!"
Parents said : "Well,get yourself a brand new car first"
D said : " What?!You mean that you're not planning to move to Tokyo with me after we got married?"

Parents having the concern of my current car condition that always knack my money every now and then due to the car's health.They wanted me to get a better car so that they can feel safe knowing me commuting back and fro.Well that's a good perspective that i would need to take into consideration.The fact that im planning to buy my own apartment seems not to be their primary interest for them as they always believe that it takes time for me to actually restructure my financial before i decided in investing in another asset.hurm...

D had a different way of thinking.I still can remember his reaction when i told him about it.He was in shocked and keep on asking me why and why until i would need to get him to chill down before i explained it to him.D afraid that im not deciding to be with him in Tokyo after our solemnization or perhaps I wont be his bride.Such a cutey la this guy!There goes me explaining to him every single reason to him and assured him that no matter what, I WILL be with him in Tokyo after we got married.


And..

There goes my dream on getting my own place..

Feb. 4th, 2010

perfection means everything

Def-Me

My health condition lately is not in a very good state. Had dirhea for almost 2 days which I'm still figuring out what's the culprit to it. Constant visit to the toilet is such a nice thing to do. At least it makes me move around a bit more than usual.

Frustration has taken me up a lot in my work.Till there's one moment where I really gave up totally and feel like taking the latest flight to Tokyo and be with D. Thank God I do have a very strong support systems which both my parents & D. Regardless I mourned,cried and sigh to express my disatisfaction towards my work,both my parents and D are always they to calm me down and bring me my foot back to the ground. Seriously I could never be more grateful than having them revolving my life.I would never trade them with anything else in this world.

Earlier tonight,D has been a stinky corny. He uttered something (which I assumed) accidentally to me which gives me a big wide smile alone. Throughout our relationship that I've known him,he's aint any romantic or sweet talker kinda guy. Both of us are similiar in the sense that we're funny,talkative,joyful and straight forward person.Both of us really enjoy the companion despite of the distance which sometimes make me feel down. Somehow,D never ever fail to make me realised that distance aren't the main obstacle here but as long as we have each other in our heart and that matter most.

Seriously I can't imagine living without having him around me. He just spoilt me with his eternal love and been supporting me throughout this while.

We're so young & so free :)

Jan. 6th, 2010

perfection means everything

Chance Favors The Prepared Minds

Some friends do ask me the tips of survival of my LDR . I never admit that my LDR is the best as an ordinary human,we cant escape from any flawless relationship despite the distance would be. Nevertheless,I would proudly admit that this is the BEST LDR that ever happened in my life (yeah as though I do have a lot of it la kan).Perhaps as for now we're in the euphoria state of mind but i cant predict what will happened next.Mudah-mudahan this euphoria stage would be stagnant forever (which i know its highly impossible).

Frankly,the relationship between D & I is still in a baby stage.We crawl and we fall but somehow we had so much fun going thru this phase together.Sometimes we did feel as though we already being together for ages as we could get clicked with each other so fast regardless of our distance,belief and cultures.

Below are ways of how Me & D managed to maintain such beautiful relationship untill now (despite of how others would put their ultra effort in giving false conceptions & sarcasms);


1. Communicate - this is very crucial in any relationship especially in LDR.
2. Faithful - tepuk dada,tanya selera
3. Mix arguments once in a while in your lovey dovey relationship - this is healthy coz it helps a lot in snapping you back to reality when you're so in love like God knows.
4. Spend more time to communicate - back to item # 1,time is very crucial.In my case,no matter how busy we would be,we'll try our best to get sometime to communicate via Skype or Texts or Phone Calls (a bit in the investment la.hehehe).
5. Send lovely notes to each other - D is eventually not such nonchalantly romantic person.Sometimes he built his ego quite high therefore i wont be expecting such notes coming into my SMS inbox frequently.As a girl,i pretty much practising this as a way for me to express my concern towards him.Sapa tak sejuk hati tgk lovely notes from your love ones kala marah membara,kan?
6. Compromise - if you spell this word accordingly,it wont be that difficult.But i must admit,compromising with each other takes a whole long way for us especially in LDR.Sometimes one party just cant be thinking rationally as the other party.Be calm and take a deep breathe.
7. Believe in each other - this is LDR that what im talking about.Without this,the relationship wont go nowhere,nuff' said!
8. Ignite your partner - There's many forms in this category,i,e : we called each other with some silly pet names and crack jokes out of it.Although sometimes tu menyakitkan hati but somehow you'll just get immune to it already and get another idea on how to ignite each other again.

..........

actually there's more.its just im way too sleepy to type it all out.

Selamat Malam!

Jan. 3rd, 2010

perfection means everything

Dull.

I just hate the current feeling now.
First of all,im all alone.Yes,it has been for 3 days alone.I've been mute for 3 freaking day without saying anything besides mumbling alone.

What drive things even worst,is when D is not around and i automatically developed some kind insomniac.I cant sleep at night and seriously i cant.Thank God that he's coming back tonight and hopefully it can cure my temporary insomnia.Cant survive with this anymore since i really need a good sleep to work tomorrow.

I have a deadline to write a release and yet,i just typed a quarter sentence ever since 3 days ago.Seriously,i really-really lost touch in writing.Grammar semakin tunggang langgang,ayat berulang-ulang & angle pun takde.I really need inspiration.Or perhaps i would need to have a change of my working environment.Seems like nothing interest me anymore in this field.

To add up with all the above situation,it really makes me sunk in a whole set of depression.

Baru tahun baru,dah hilang semangat. sigh

Jan. 2nd, 2010

perfection means everything

The First day of 2010

The first day of 2010 has been kind to me.Watching the happiness in each of my lolos face is truly fascinating yet memorable.
One of my lolos,Syazni got married with her beau.Their relationship been thru a lot of topsy-turvy along the road and Alhamdulilllah by watching their solemnization finally give a full stop to it.Yes,the bride & groom are terrifically pretty and gorgeous,no doubt.I was touched looking at Syazni's dad teary while solemnized her and the MIA mom during the peak of solemnization that keeps a thousand questions to us.The mystery solved as she actually hide herself somewhere in  a room and appeared once the solemnization by asking me to remind the groom for Solat Sunat.In her face,i saw a thousand explanation to it with her teary eyes.This really make me think twice about going thru as such moment in my life.

Later,we drove ourselves to Jaja's place to visit her as she just gave birth to a very cute baby boy named Mohd Adam.To my surprise apparently Dena was there.She brought her Japanese boyfriend along all the way from Japan for a family meet up sessions for 2 weeks (or so).Finally,i got someone to open up too on my problem.We talked and discussed a lot about the whole complication in the relationship with a Japanese.He introduced me to her beau,Sasao and even reminded me about the ethics and words that i shouldnt utter in front of Daisuke's family which some of it will be very offensive to them.Im really glad that Dena managed to get a religious person to guide Sasao and she offered me the help for Daisuke.Apparently the Japanese convert now is a bilal and he could be the religious teacher & tok kadi for Dena's ceremony.Alhamdulillah,God has make my path easier this time.I've been cracking my head to get a Japanese religious teacher which based locally for D but i failed tremendously.The only person i managed to get is a religious teacher who is a convert  via my childhood fren,Fahrol who she used to have the ustaz to guide her newly convert mat salleh husband.Too bad i couldnt spend much time talking about the difficulties of marrying a foreigner with Dena further as she would need to rush to KLIA for her flight back to Japan with Sasao.I really feel envy looking at them coz i know someday i will be like them too.It really reminds me a LOT about D.

D is currently back in his hometown in Kobe for New Year celebration with his family.Apparently his lil bro whom married with a cute baby girl named Rio also will be back from Osaka for a huge family gathering.I dont intend to disturb his precious time with his family as he really needs it but i just cant resists the feeling of missing him.Finally,i received a call from him earlier all the way from Kobe.It really make my day!

I think love already turned me into a possessive insane lover.or just whatchacallit.
I love this man of mine like nobody business and he know the right way to charm me with his antics.
Now,i know whats the  REAL meaning on love.Love is truly magic.Insane magic!not even Cyril Takayama!
Especially in a LDR,it makes you even persistence and patience in every steps and minutes that you need to go thru.It means a lot and it helps us to appreciate each other even more.

Frankly,this time around is a no nonsense for me.IM REAL,i really mean it!
If I were given a chance,i would love to leave everything behind in Malaysia and fly to Japan just to be with him.And yeah,Love better make me worth doing it.

And i also know there's so many people are actually opposing my current relationship with so much reason.I do appreciate your concerns but somehow i think its better for all of you to sit down and chill your spine rather than predicting someone's happiness into vain.As easy as all of you know,i seriously DONT GIVE A DAMN.Its my life and im leading it my way.It's my love life and im the one who will be suffering if things happened.I really had enough of "Kali ni sampai bila pulak?" or " Kenapa?dah takde orang Melayu lagi dah ke?" or "Kali ni dia agama apa pulak?" or "Boleh percaya ke?nanti dia mainkan perasaan kau." and etc.Sometimes i just dont understand,this is the typical mindset of our people about having relationship with a foreigner.Mind you not ALL are nasty bastard as you guys been potraying.Kalau betul la semua foreigner tu jahat,abis tu ko ingat laki melayu kita tak jahat? Come on,betul ke boyfriend yang kau mengadap 24 jam tu tak keluar dengan betina lain?Betul ke dia takde skandal kat belakang kau? Man are full of stuffs in their mind.They are capable of doing anything and everything within a glimpse. So jangan nak samakan semua laki macam laki korang ke or fikir laki kau tu bagus sangat.

Tepuk dada,tanya selera.

Dec. 31st, 2009

perfection means everything

Sayonara,2009

Unlike the usual thing,this year around i didnt come across on setting any new year resolutions.Doesnt mean that i dont bother at all but its there's so many things ahead in 2010 that keeps me contemplating.Many uncertainties plan and questions to be answered.

2009 was a quite rough journey for me.Losing my loved ones and also new love found.Somehow,i just cant wait for this year to end real soon.Looking forward to a new whole journey next year and embrace it.

Of course,i'll be travelling more frequent next year & really hope that my career will be skyrocket and be good to me as well!

To my dear friend,Jaja - congrats on your bundle of joy!
Syazni - Congrats in advance on your solemnization to kick offs 2010.

Its about time.
Good bye,2009 & hello 2010.
I wish you well.

P/S: dreading new year eve as everyone seems to be on leave and im still in the office.
The man is currently on his way back to Kobe for his new year celebration with his family.I really wish im there with him rather than here.

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